Extroversion Eludes Me

Extroversion eludes me.

I’m not naturally extroverted. Is that ok? My parents have been divorced since I was about 15. My father works all day, and I’m home all day. Right now I’m in college, so I’m studying and I try to get out and try to keep myself busy but it’s not that easy, especially when I have no one else to spend my time with. I don’t know but one or two other people I can spend my time with that’s not my parents. Although, I end up spending my time with my parents.

So extroversion naturally just eludes me. It just naturally slips away from me, between my fingers. I can never hold onto it, as much as I wish or want to.

The funny thing about all of this is what I’m studying. Studying philosophy, and existentialism being my favorite topic, is a profound thing. I found out where I am on the totem pole of human beings and extroversion vs introversion. Of course, that’s also a topic for psychology, being a big thing with Carl Jung.

I’ve always done things alone. Activities, working, playing, etc, I have done alone. I have always felt that I have wanted to do things alone, but at the same time I have felt I’ve always done things best when I’ve done them alone. I’ve gotten things done more efficiently alone, and the outcome has been better. As I’ve gotten older I’ve stayed the same a bit, but maybe have wanted more of a balance between introversion and extroversion. Not so much introversion. I think it’s because I’ve had more introverted time as I’ve gotten older, and I feel I need to be exposed to more people to balance it out. I could possibly go back to wanting more introversion. Overall, I feel I need a balance. At least for right now. I still know know for sure, though, that I am highly more introverted than extroverted. But is that ok? In this society it doesn’t feel ok. Not as ok as it plays out to be.

5 thoughts on “Extroversion Eludes Me

  1. I gave up on the DSM when there was talk of adding introversion as a personality disorder. I’m introverted mainly because I like to read, write, play word games, watch shows I like, listen to music I like. Not really activities calling for a crowd. I socialize when it suits me. For the most part, I am most content when alone. (As alone as I can be with a kid and cats.) Contentment with mental illness is worth more than happiness.
    So, yeah, I think it’s okay to be who you are unless it truly bothers you. Balance is the key. Just don’t ever feel bad for being comfortable in your own company. I know people who absolutely cannot be alone, ever, and frankly, I find them far more dysfunctional than introverts could ever be.

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    • I like that comment, “Balance is the key”. I believe that’s true. I’ll try not to feel too bad about feeling too bad for having my own company. I definitely need balance. I guess I don’t feel bad about having my own company, I just feel a bit lonely. I believe things will get better, though.

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      • My biggest flaw is that I rarely feel lonely. I do however get mind numbingly bored which is when I seek out company. I’m usually disappointed and start thinking about all the awesome things I could home alone…
        I’m a train wreck and bipolar just makes it more gory 😉

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