My therapist said that after a month she will reevaluate giving me hour sessions, more sessions, and not having to have my parent come into the sessions with me. Right now I’m seeing a therapist 30 minutes a month, and I have to have my parent sit in all the sessions with me.
I’m happy, but that took so long. I’ve been seeing her for over 6 months now. Over half a year. Part of me doesn’t understand why I have to fight so hard for good therapy to the point where I have to consider changing therapists or clinics. Nothing is fair at this clinic. They take so much of my money. I thought it was because they were just too booked to get me in for hour sessions, and more sessions. That’s really not the case. I just think they don’t really care. I really don’t.
My psychosis has been getting worse over the past couple of weeks. I think I might be in denial, I don’t know. I keep saying I am having many mini episodes. In reality, I think I am just over the threshold into psychosis now and having bouts of “normalcy” every now and then. My episodes are just more and more, and times when I’m “Ok” is becoming less and less. I am having tons of voices, and my paranoia is ramped up so incredibly high. I get disorganized at times when the voices become overpowering. Maybe my anxiety worsening over the past few months was a sign, I am not even sure. I feel like I knew what the signs were, but either I forgot the signs or they seem to take a different pattern each time. I become confused a lot, even when I’m not hearing voices. I get confused and forget, a lot.
I’ve put a lot on my plate in the past few months; attending college again, getting out more. Actually that’s the main things I’ve been doing, but it’s extremely stressful, and I don’t think I might have taken the right approach to it, and may have done it too fast. I don’t know. I’m really confused about everything right now.