My Trichotillomania

Not sure if i ever mentioned it but i have had trichotillomania since I was 9 years old. I havent had eyebrows and eyelashes fully since i was 10 or 11. Meaning theyve been completely pulled out by then. I only pulled from those places…

until three years ago i started pulling from my hair. it was fairly innocent i think like how it initially was. i pulled out from my scalp to keep stray hairs from getting into my food or on my clothes because it was disgusting to me and a pet peeve. a year later i i found it calming to run my hand through my hair to groom the stray hairs out. so much so that it got to a point where i found myself doing it unknowingly because it was was stress reducing.

the past year now i have noticed lots of baby hairs popping up from my scalp and my hair seemingly thinning…

i already know why i pull. i pull because of stress. because i notice when im stress free my hair start to grow in on my eyebrows.

i have been crying and crying everytime i see more baby hairs and seeing my scalp looking rather thin than last time because i KNOW i am DREADING almost with every ounce of me, the day where i will have patches but most likely thinned hair from pulling. i mean im dreading to the point of feeling suicidal and i dont think ive ever felt suicidal from having trichotillomania. if i have it wasnt noteworthy enough.

im absolutely devasted. just devastated. its killing me.

and the worst part of all of it…is i cant stop.

i cant stop pulling…

😥

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