Hospital Stay

I was in the hospital for a week.

That would make about something above 12 or 13th time.

I’m not going to go into it now but…way above.

 

Im tired of these. Mostly scared. They do change your environment and thats good for awhile. the doctor didnt really care about me. thats usual. im not for the mental health system though in general. my outside psychiatrist knew this hospital doc put me on a lashing of meds that wouldnt help. a crap load of crap…is what i say.

i was trying to stay away from the intramuscular shots for noncompliance but they caught up to me…

im on them the moment i got out pretty much. within 7 days. i hope i never have to goto mental health court.

 

im starting to slip into fear and paranoia again. i dont know if its paranoia or true. i really dont know. i do know i feel fear. lots of it. already. or not a lot but its starting to come back onto me again.

Ok

i keep wanting to say i never have felt so unimportant than i have in so long.

but the fact when ur in a position like mine – you flat out arent importnt.

where are the people? there is none. there havent been any for years.

i just feel like i want to quickly take my 3 bottles of pills with alcohol and hope to god i get the peaceful death i feel i deserve.

yet it so weird because i feel as if i already took them and i dont think i have.